


Laurwen

by Laurwen



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angels, Demons, Fallen Angels, Hell, Lucifer's Fall, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 09:55:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14788286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laurwen/pseuds/Laurwen
Summary: It's the story of the Fall of Laurwen, who was once an angel, but couldn't accept the cruelty of his siblings.This is the beginning of his transformation to who he is nowadays.





	Laurwen

**Author's Note:**

> Laurwen is my own character. The Lucifer of this story is not a specific one. Hell is based on a mixture of the Divine Comedy by Dante Alighieri, the version of the show Lucifer and my own thoughts.
> 
> So I own nothing except of my OC.  
> Beware it's written in my second language and could contain mistakes.

It happened a long, long time ago. Aeons. To be true, it all happened before time existed. A long time before we had the ability to measure the space between two moments. A long time before something like time really mattered.  
So my story began before time existed, and I belonged to them: angels. I was not a really important angel. Not high in rank and, to my regret, in size too. As you might assume, I got a lot of mockery because I was at least one or two heads shorter than my siblings. However, back in the day, I didn’t know what mockery was. I was too naive, too young. I was a bona fide innocent and free from dark thoughts. I served the higher ranked angels, and ran errands or had easy jobs to do.  
I still can remember every detail when I saw him for the first time. He was the most beautiful of us. The purest of us. He was the most loved one from our Father. He was the lightest and brightest of us. A lot of us wanted to be like him. Some even tried it. Others were envious. And some of them started to eat their hearts out.  
I was an admirer. My heart was warmer and lighter every time he was near me. I wished I could have been in his entourage, but my element was water, not light. Whatever I would do or try, I would always serve someone else and not him.  
Something like melancholy started to grow inside me every time I thought about that. I always flew to the gardens of water when it was too much for me. I could find rest and peace only there. I liked how the water dripped off of my ocean blue feathers, or how the light refracted and my wings got a turquoise touch.  
A lot of you think that all angels had white wings and golden, curly hair. But that’s wrong. Every angel was different and unique in his appearance. My hair was midnight blue, but so dark it seemed to be black sometimes. My eyes were clear blue like morning dew of a fresh spring day. My haircut was… tousled, as if I had just woken up after a long night. I never could fix that, and of course, I didn’t have curly hair.  
Maybe I didn’t look like a typical angel, but I was one of them.  
I could have lived all of eternity like this: serving, relaxing in the gardens of water and admiring him. But, as you already assume, everything went wrong.

Time started to exist on the same day that Father showed us his newest creation, which would live in Eden. To love and protect this creation was our newest and most important order. An order every angel would follow without question.  
Of course we were curious and wanted to keep an eye on it and see how it would like its new home. At the beginning it was just one creature, but Father made another one, so the first creature wasn’t lonely anymore.  
But none of us had access to the Garden of Eden except one. From then on, he was the protector of the paradise. And he was there a good many times, just to be sure everything was alright. That’s what he told us. But something started to change him. This process was very slow, very gradual. No one recognized it until the change was too big to be undone.  
He still shone, but something was off there. Before he could warm all hearts who saw him, but now they seemed to freeze. No one could explain this or dared to ask him, or ask Father for advice. It seemed that all my siblings decided to ignore the changing of him.  
Sorrow started to grow in my heart -- one of the feelings I can recognize and call by its name now.

The day when Father banned his beloved creation called humans from Eden came very unexpectedly. None of us had ever seen Father so enraged. So angry. I was scared and a lot of my siblings avoided him so as not to feel his anger.  
After that everything was different. Father withdrew more and more from us, hardly spoke with us and seemed short tempered.  
I found out very late why the humans had to leave Eden and now lived on earth with all its dangers. They broke the holiest and highest order Father gave them. They had eaten the fruit from the tree of knowledge. A crime they had to pay for.  
Despite their actions, Father gave them a gift that he would never give us: free will. A concept which was hard for us to understand back then. We obeyed blindly, did what Father told us to do. We never asked why or doubted his decisions. This was the law.  
Free will seemed to be very demanding. Thinking about one’s own actions, weighing pros and cons, considering one’s own view and the views of others. Way too complicated.  
However the humans seemed to be happier with that. They could decide who they wanted to serve or not, or how they wanted to live their lives, no matter to whom they were born. Or at least it was like this at the beginning.  
None of my siblings understood this concept, either. No one except one. Just one understood it and the power behind it. Just one recognized the unfairness between Father’s own children and his beloved creation.  
However he kept his silence and doubts for a long time. He kept an eye on the humans on earth like we did, but for a different reason. The concept of free will seemed to show another side of the human soul: sins. Humans weren’t bound by Fathers orders like we were. They could decide if they wanted to follow the rules or not. And it was frightening how often they ignored the rules to have their kind of fun. They trampled Father’s gift underfoot. They were like badly behaved children.  
A lot of us just waited to see our Father go into another rage attack. But nothing happened. No reaction from him, no matter how ungrateful the humans were. It seemed that Father wasn’t interested in them anymore. But why?  
But he asked the same questions that we did. He tried to understand what happened, too. And he couldn’t find a satisfying answer, either. It just increased his reluctance and doubts. What nobody who was close to him could see or wanted to see was the fact that he started to simmer with rage. How the envy and the doubts threw oil onto the fire. A fire which would burn everything, and only cold ash would remain.  
And one day it was too much pressure for him. It was like an eruption of a volcano which had been suspiciously quiet for too long a time. It was the day which would forever split heaven. The day he rose and tried to get rid of Father’s chains. The day of the great fall.  
I still don’t know how the discussion between him and Father began or what Father answered to his requests. But whatever it was, it released a big storm.  
It was far too understated to call this a violent dispute. No words could ever describe what happened between Father and the beautiful Morningstar this day.  
Neither of them wanted to give in. Neither of them would step back. They both dug in their heels. Ok, the only one who really talked was Morningstar. He didn’t understand why Father didn’t punish the humans who broke his rules. Why did Father give them the gift of free will, when they just trampled it under their feet? Father only said that it was the free will of the humans to decide what they wanted to do. And this included the bad decisions and actions, too.  
Some of us understood that this couldn’t be right. It was against our nature. Since when should those who listened to the evil voices of the world be rewarded? Voices whose nature and presence outside of heaven were known to us from a long time ago, but we didn’t have a name for them back then.  
Father’s uninvolved answer seemed to throw more oil on the fire. A fire which grew into a blazing firestorm that threatened to destroy everything in heaven. He demanded from Father that he and his siblings should have the same right to have free will, like the humans. It was just fair.  
A murmur started in the assembly. Some agreed with Morningstar while others were sceptical. But most of us couldn’t decide. The thought of having free will was too strange. But before we could decide which side we were on, Father raised his voice. The roar of his raging voice struck us like a thunderclap. Those who were close to Father ducked in pain and tried to cover themselves with their wings. It had been a long time since we had seen Father so angry.  
His words left a cruel silence behind. He banned the most beautiful angel of all from heaven. His new home would be hell: a newly created place where every guilty human would be trapped for eternity and tortured by their sins and guilt. The purest of us would be their warden. Their king. And just because he dared to demand something the humans had that we never would.  
Michael, the loyalest of us and military leader of the heavenly troops, stepped out of the crowd. He was behind Morningstar and hit him to the ground, while he glared in disbelief at Father, because of his words. What we saw was a horrific scene and the apathy of Father.  
While Michael kept down Morningstar, some of the military leader’s entourage started to beat the exile. Bones cracked while they broke his wings, so he wouldn’t have a chance to slow down the fall.  
I was frozen in disbelief. Why did my siblings do this to him? What was wrong with asking for free will? Why did Father let this cruelty happen? Why did he throw out his beloved son?  
Questions started to rustle in my head like an inner storm starting to break at any minute. As Michael’s followers dragged Morningstar to the abyss, my numbness finally broke. I fought my way through my siblings to stop the others from kicking him out of heaven.

But I was too late. When I finally broke through the crowd and ran to them, Michael gave the order to let Morningstar go, so he could kick him into the abyss. I tried to catch the hand of Morningstar, but I missed him only by inches.  
I… I couldn’t save him. I couldn’t stop his fall. Why didn’t my numbness break a bit faster?  
I wanted to jump, but they held me back. I kicked, punched and bit, too. The storm inside me took a dangerous turn. I couldn’t see because of anger and sadness. That Michael should suffer like our fallen brother was my only wish in that moment.  
I, who had never fought in my life before, had no chance against the strongest angel after Morningstar. He beat me up until I couldn’t think clearly because of the pain. It was a warning to never raise my voice against him or Father. Father had already left us. Did Father see how Morningstar fell? I didn’t know.  
If I dared to rebel once more, I would end up like Morningstar!

I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t want to accept what they had done to our brother. It was just wrong! And I would never comply to that. Especially when I remember that arrogant grin of Michael’s.  
What happened next lies behind a thick swamp of forgotten memories. So unclear and slimy that I still can’t catch them, even today.  
They saw in my revolt a rebellion, and I was now a follower of Morningstar’s lies. They didn’t just break my wings, they destroyed them so much that my wings were only attached to my body by a few sinews. I was the warning for others not to join Morningstar's side.  
I hardly can remember my fall. The sinews ripped and I lost my wings completely. Then everything went dark.

When I woke up, I was in hell. I can’t say how much time passed between my fall and when I awoke. But it must have been long enough that a respectable number of dark creatures surrounded me. Creatures which just were the evil voices with a flesh shell that were greedy for new, fresh meat.  
Fear started to crawl down my spine. I had to flee if I didn’t want to be their next victim. A sharp pain rose in my whole body as I tried to fly by habit. But there was nothing left to carry my weight. Only scars remained as a memento of where my wings were once.  
I fled. A long time, a long distance. An eternity, maybe two, until I found a place where the creatures didn’t follow me anymore. A place which would be my new home and prison. A ice cold place where everything was frozen. A place which made me into the creature I am now: a fallen one, a demon.

Without the protection of my wings and the divine blessing, I was at the mercy of my new home. My ears became pointed, my teeth sharp like a predator’s teeth. My eyes started to show the ice which grew inside of me. Even my hands became claws, and two slightly curved horns grew out of my forehead. Finally my appearance wasn’t different from the other creatures, the demons. The smell of a deadly winter storm mixed with ash would be my companion from now on.

But I don’t show my new self very often. I wear a mask of my old self like a second skin. Is it because of shame or sentimentality that I do this? I don’t know. But I know that I don’t like to show my demonic appearance. Nobody should see what I’ve become -- not at the first sight.  
A bit hypocritical, isn't it? Especially since I don’t wear my old name anymore and dislike to be called ‘angel’.  
Since I found my home here in this ice cold place, I only call myself Laurwen. A Lhorfel never existed here.  
But I still wear the mask of my old appearance. At the first sight we seem similar. But where once was love, warmth and kindness in my characteristic traits, is now only emptiness,coldness and contempt. My fall didn’t only leave physical wounds behind. It left behind a big hole in my heart, too -- a hole which swallows everything and leaves behind emptiness only. Nothing in this world will ever fill this hole.  
It seems to me that it longs for something that nobody will ever give me.  
I will never see heaven again. I will never hear the voices of my siblings again. I will never feel the peace of the water gardens again. And I will never see the purity and warmth of him. He who rejected his old name, too, and calls himself Lucifer now. The first fallen, who has his kingdom in the heart of hell and nobody is able to enter it. At least I am unable to enter, as if chains hold me back.

If only I had been faster on the day which changed everything…


End file.
